In twenty four hours from now, Brian and I will be making our way to the hospital to have our third little baby, second boy. This will also be my third c-section and for some reason, I am more nervous about this one than I have been the other two.
When I was pregnant with Makenzie, my induction at 36 weeks for pre-eclampsia resulted in labor for 11 hours, my body fighting the induction every step of the way, her heart rate declining with each contraction which then turned emergency c-section. So, I didn’t have much time to process what was happening. I don’t remember much except having these uncontrollable shakes once laying down on the table. She was whisked away from me once she was born and I didn’t get to see her for a few hours. I remember groggily asking the nurse if I could see a picture of her because I was so out of it when she was born, I couldn’t even remember if they showed her to me.
With Brady I tried hard for a VBAC but my OB would not induce me and the only way I could attempt one was if I went on my own. 40+5 days and he still wasn’t coming so we strolled into the hospital in Chicago on 9/29/15 and I had him via scheduled c-section. This time around, I remember much more. I was a lot more calm, I knew what was ahead of me. I still got these uncontrollable shakes despite the doctor and anesthesiologist doing what they could to help control them. Brian, the anesthesiologist, and I talked about fantasy football while my OB went to work. I needed to talk about something, anything. Otherwise from a mental standpoint I would be laying there thinking about how even though I couldn’t feel it, my insides were being cut into right then and there. There is the pulling, the tugging, the pressure, the separation of ab muscles and everything else. If you allow your mind to go there, you may just freak out. Hence the reason for my request to talk about how awesome my then fantasy football team was. Afterwards, Brady was given to me and we did immediate skin to skin, he nursed like a champ, and it was all very calm. On the way to the PACU, I felt myself getting nauseous which did not happen the first go around so that was something new for me.
With Makenzie and Brady I was up and walking within 24 hours. I had always heard it was important and as much as it hurt like hell, to stretch those ab muscles out because it really did help with recovery.
Fast forward to this little man… c-section number 3. I’ve been there done that two times now. Why am I so nervous for this one? Is it the recovery? Is it fear of the same stabbing pain I got a week after having Brady that came out of nowhere, would stop me in my tracks, and put me into tears? I like to think that I have a pretty high pain tolerance, I normally kick the pain meds that they give me within a week of being home because I didn’t feel like I needed them and hated how they made me feel anyway. My last OB told me it was scar tissue that was trying to heal and I know having a third C will only result in more of that scar tissue. Or maybe it’s a little bit of a mental game like I mentioned before. They are literally cutting me open while I am awake. Seriously, how weird and creepy is that in all honesty.
I’m not sure what exactly it is that is making me anxious this time around but I can tell you this. The one person that can talk me off the ledge, make me smile, keep me laughing and my mind off of things the best he can will be sitting right next to me in the OR, my BK. My only job will be to make sure he doesn’t stand up though, he doesn’t do too well with the sight of blood. So he is to remain seated at all times, right next to me, just holding my hand, and telling me how next fall, no matter how bad I want to, do not draft a QB in the 4th round.