When Does it End?

This morning, we made a mad dash to get out the door at a reasonable time because Makenzie decided she wants to start eating breakfast at the daycare she goes to. While I was putting Brady in his carseat carrier, she was throwing her stuffed animal, Lambie, into the air and catching him all the while giggling and saying, “Watch me mommy!” and “Watch this daddy!” with excitement on her face and a smile in her eyes. I got Brady’s backpacked filled with his 3 bottles for the day, the breast milk, a container of blueberry yogurt for breakfast and sweet potatoes for lunch and hurried Makenzie out the door. After I told her for the fifth time we needed to get moving she said in a very matter of fact tone, “Mommy, I’m going as fast as I possibly can.” Dually noted. We started driving with music playing in the background when she said, “I LIKE this song, mommy. May you please turn it up?” (Yes, she is saying may you, may I, may this, may that these days, I love it). I laughed and then turned the song up when she started jamming out to Flo Rida singing, “Welcome to my house….” in her tiny little voice, head bobbing.

We got to daycare and I dropped her off first. She shyly walked into her classroom, Lambie in hand and sat down to eat breakfast with her little friends who were excited to see her so early. She gave baby “brudder” a hug goodbye, kissed his hand and poked his nose like I do to her every night before bed. She gave me a big hug, started walking to her table, then turned around and hugged my leg again and said, “Love you, Mommy.”

I got to Brady’s room; put his bottles, milk, and food in the fridge and then kissed his head and gave him a little squeeze before handing him off to his DCP.

As I was walking down the hallway, I passed Makenzie’s room again. I looked in and she was laughing and talking with friends when she looked up and noticed me. She got a huge smile on her face, waved at me, and proudly said, “LOOK!! There is my mommy!” Then proceeded to shout, “BYE mommy, love you!!” and then finished it off by blowing me a kiss. I smiled, waved back, blew her a kiss, and then began walking to my car. It got me thinking… when does this end? When will she get to the point where her mom who is wearing her hair in a bun, without makeup on, sporting yoga pants and running shoes become embarrassing to her? When will she no longer get so excited to see me and run from across the playground shouting, “Mommy!!!” and crash into me giving me the biggest and best hug of my day? When will she stop saying, “But mommy, I just miss you and daddy when I am gone at school.” When will she stop blowing me kisses and telling me she loves me out loud in front of her friends?  When does it end? Because I don’t want it to…

I literally want to bottle her up right now and save every precious little thing that comes out of her mouth. I want to cherish the hugs, the kisses, the endless amount of questions, the matter of fact comments, the sayings, the singing, the fact that as soon as she gets home from daycare, she runs inside, takes her shoes off and says, “I want to put a beautiful dress on and dance to princess music.” When will Brian and I go from being the most important part of her day, her mommy and daddy, to just mom and dad. When will she want us to stop laying with her for 5 minutes before bed? And when will she no longer want us to read to her before we tuck her in? She’s already becoming Miss Independent. She brushes her teeth by herself (we always do another sweep after she’s done), she flosses, she uses the bathroom and says to us, “Can you please close the door? I need a little privaty (yes, privaty) please.” She loves picking out her outfits, her shoes, her undies, and socks.

If I could bottle these memories up so I could save them forever, I would in an instant. I want to remember everything but know that I won’t. So instead, I write about them, I take pictures,and I keep a journal of all those funny things she says. I need to be present, put my phone down when she’s home and try not to get frustrated when she asks what seems like 25 questions in 5 minutes time. Let her be inquisitive, don’t hurry her so much, laugh, dance, and giggle with her … and most importantly, just let her be little.

2 thoughts on “When Does it End?

  1. Mary Streblow says:

    This blog should be published into a short story in a book. It’s written so well, & brings out emotions that we all can relate to,
    You’re a good writer, just like Grandma W. I enjoy reading your blogs.
    Keep them coming.

  2. Trish says:

    Oh my, you are a brilliant mommie!!! Be very, very proud of the great job you are doing. There may be a time when things will change and she will feel like she doesn’t need you as much, but then she’ll grow up a bit more and again realize she does in fact still need you tremendously. Great job Sweetie! !!!

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