Do Not Be Afraid I am with You… (You are Mine)

The month of September for me has always been a favorite.  It means, football, fall weather, pumpkins, apples, boots, the leaves change to that fiery orangish red color, and the list goes on.  It is also the month of my late Grandma’s birthday.  In the days before her actual birthdate I found myself thinking of her even more and she popped into a few of my dreams as well.  I don’t remember exactly what the dreams were about but I do know she was there and I felt her presence when I woke up.

On Sunday, September 6th, two days before her birthday, we were all getting ready for church.  I noticed that BK#2 was particularly quiet that morning and had been the night before as well.  It wasn’t that I hadn’t felt any movement but the movement that I did feel was very small and very light and it made me apprehensive.  On the way to church I said to Brian that if baby did not pick up his/her movements in the next hour I was going to go to L&D to be monitored just to make sure everything was OK.

When I go to church I often think of my Grandma and feel very close to her.  As a little girl some of my best memories involve going to church with her and sitting next to her on the organ bench while she played for mass.  I would sit there quietly, or at least thought I was, and watched in awe as her fingers and feet moved together and she sang the beautiful songs.  There are a handful of songs that once I hear them automatically trigger a response from me and it’s this overwhelming feeling of those memories of being a small child and the love that I have for her.

We got to church that day and Makenzie rushed over to the holy water, wanting to dip her hand and show the sign of the cross.  From there we found a good spot and settled into the pew and I pulled out the kneeler and said a few prayers.   Soon after service began and it seemed in the same instant, BK#2 started moving around and would not stop and I felt an immediate sense of relief.  When my Grandma was alive we often joked that she had a direct line to God and if you were on her prayer list you were extremely lucky.  When I needed extra prayers in my life I often turned to her and would feel extremely grateful that she was filling up my prayer bowl with her extra prayers sent up to heaven.  I was able to relax during the sermon and enjoy feeling the wiggles, rolls, and jabs happening inside of me.

It was time for communion and with that the communion song started.  Like I said earlier, certain songs trigger a response from me that I can’t describe it just happens.  “You are Mine” started to play and I felt her, I knew she was with me, and I knew she was talking to me.  I tried with every being in my body to stop the tears and to try to sing the song and I just couldn’t.  I left church that day feeling her presence so strong around me, stronger that it has been and I took great comfort in that.

Brian’s late Grandma also has a September birthday, actually 2 days after my Grandma’s birthday (told you it was a special month).  She was very special to him and he as well shares a lot of great memories of her.  Later on that same day, we were outside as a family enjoying the weather when we hear, “Mommy! Daddy! LOOK!!” Makenzie was excitedly pointing to the tiniest of hummingbirds hovering over a patch of purple flowers in our backyard.  This hummingbird stayed for a few seconds and then flew away.  Brian and his mom have always said that hummingbirds remind them of Grandma V and for the second time that day, we received a beautiful sign from above from two very influential people in our lives.

I went to bed that night feeling even more blessed and smiling.  It’s not every day that we receive messages from above telling us it will be ok and do not be afraid but when we do, I hold on to them with every ounce of strength in me and cling to it.


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